Culinary no-no began on Father’s Day 2007, a beautiful summer day, when I wrote about grilling brats. And eating brats. And topping those brats. I was inspired by my wife, Jennifer who, in my admittedly unscientific opinion, ruins brats by squirting ketchup on them. Other dining taboos quickly came to mind. The original idea was to take this concept only a few months, till the end of summer and then pull the plug. Then the unexpected happened. People started reading Culinary no-no. Lots of folks. So we keep doing the no-no.
Fourteen years of Culinary no-no features. Now more than 700.
Here are just some from the early years:
Green peppers on pizza
The dirty martini
Eating pizza at Festa Italiana, brats at German Fest, or tacos at Fiesta Mexicana. (Be adventurous. You can have those items anytime
Eating a cream puff as though it was a hamburger
Taking your own bottle of sauce when invited to a barbecue
Touching the grill if you’re a guest at an outdoor barbecue
Coaching the host on how to grill
Taking the husks off before you grill corn on the cob
Being afraid to chill red wine
Showing disrespect to your restaurant server
Eating out on a Monday night
Ketchup on spaghetti
Sneaking healthy foods into treats to get your kids to eat it
Do not throw away culinary gifts received in the mail because you don’t like them
Doing something so totally ridiculous that you are desperately forced to call the Butterball Turkey Hot-Line for assistance
Don’t forget the sweet potato January-October
Don’t disregard fruitcake
Goat burgers and healthy items at tailgate parties
Sour cream on potato pancakes, as opposed to applesauce
By now you think I would have run out. That’s funny. As long as there’s food there will always be ways to ruin it.
This week, true confessions. In past Culinary installments I’ve blasted boobs who fail to treat their servers properly. You see it all the time.
The website vacation101.com has come up with a pretty good list of bad habits by these restaurant yahoos.
Now I’d like to think that I’m a coveted patron, always respectful and friendly. I’ve never had an issue with a server. My philosophy is be good to them and they’ll be good to you.
Still, I see from vacation101.com that I’m guilty of a no-no or two.
People Who Stack Their Plates
Here’s one that may surprise you, because the people who do this genuinely believe they’re helping out. It’s common for some customers to stack their plates when they’re done eating, convinced that they’re making the job easier for their waitress. But generally, your waiting staff hates when customers do this.
“I know it’s done with good intention, but if you hand me a stack of plates there’s almost a 99% chance they aren’t stacked correctly,” explained Reddit user Danam524. He then added, “It’s fine to be helpful and move things off to the side but PLEASE don’t try to add your plate to my stack to try to help.”
Odd. I’ve received zero complaints about this, only many thanks.
People Who Make Corny Jokes
We get it — you’re God’s gift to joke-telling, and you probably could’ve had your own HBO comedy special if you’d only gone all in on your dreams way back in college. But as funny as you probably are, it’s possible that the waiter isn’t in the laughing mood.
As one fed up Reddit user explained bluntly, “If I ask, ‘Is there anything else I can get you?’ And you say, ‘A million dollars.’ I will forever hate you.” Take it from this waiter who clearly has had to deal with more than one corny jokester on the job, and maybe just save your million dollar knee-slapper for later.
Yep. Been there. Done that. But usually only when we know the server well, and he/she appears to be in the right mood and isn’t super busy.
Check out the complete list and see if you’re an offender.
CULINARY NO-NO BONUSES
Previously on This Just In…Culinary no-no #692. The update.
ICYMI, Culinary no-no #700