Culinary no-no began on Father’s Day 2007, a beautiful summer day, when I wrote about grilling brats. And eating brats. And topping those brats. I was inspired by my wife, Jennifer who, in my admittedly unscientific opinion, ruins brats by squirting ketchup on them. Other dining taboos quickly came to mind. The original idea was to take this concept only a few months, till the end of summer and then pull the plug. Then the unexpected happened. People started reading Culinary no-no. Lots of folks. So we keep doing the no-no.

Ketchup was in the news this past week. And not in a very appetizing way.

Ketchup. It’s not nasty. It’s just so…unnecessary.

The condiment inspired the very first Culinary no-no when my lovely wife Jennifer admitted she likes topping her brats with the red stuff. Yuck.

Let’s bring in that famous philosopher quoted several times in some of our no-no features.

Arthur Fonzarelli was the star of the popular TV sit-com “Happy Days.” Popular until our leather-clad hero jumped the shark.

In one “Happy Days” episode Fonzie was talking about ketchup and ice cream. Keep them apart, and it got a Fonzie “Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” But put them together…

Several months ago I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting a young nurse, somewhere in the late 30’s to around 40 range.

Attractive. Good figure. Smart. Nice sense of humor. She had it all.

That included being a great conversationalist. Very interesting to talk to.

Turns out her parents live in Franklin (WI) where I live. So naturally we discussed Franklin politics, specifically the much publicized controversy about all the racket at Milwaukee Milkmen baseball games played at Franklin Field.

Somehow the subject turned to food and diets. She is a nurse after all.

And the woman confessed that she ate Big Macs.

Nothing wrong with that.  She does eat them a lot.

Nothing wrong with that either. Especially if you’re in great shape and have little to zero fat on your body.

Because she loves the McDonald’s classic so much she can’t understand, and neither can I, why the Golden Arches doesn’t bottle and sell that special sauce.

One copycat recipe I saw on a reputable food website called for using mayonnaise,  sweet pickle relish, Dusseldorf Mustard, white wine vinegar, paprika, onion powder, granulated garlic, and white pepper. Much easier if you could just visit the grocery and buy a bottle, a la Chick-fil-A’s similar bbq-like sauce (100% of profits go to team member education initiatives).

But all of those yummy ingredients wouldn’t be good enough for my nurse friend. You’ve probably guessed where this is going. She buys a Big Mac and also requests ketchup packets.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Our diet discussion continued.

She also likes hot dogs.

Chicago style hot dogs.

You know the kind.

Poppy seed bun

Yellow mustard

Sweet green pickle relish

Chopped onion

Tomato wedges

Dill pickle spear

Sport peppers

Celery salt And then the Big Mac fans strikes with…good grief.

I paused and just stared when she admitted this sacrilege before telling her that she had all these amazing qualities and everything going for her. And then she had to go and spoil it. With ketchup. We shared a good chuckle.

On french fries, ketchup’s ok. But that’s about it.

CULINARY NO-NO BONUSES

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