Franklin certainties: Death, taxes, and something else

We’ll get to the “something else” soon.

In the mid to late 1980’s when I was working at WUWM Milwaukee Public Radio I interviewed in person, in studio, the late flamboyant American League baseball umpire Ron Luciano who was on a book tour.

Super 70s Sports on Twitter: "In 1975, Ron Luciano ejected Earl Weaver from  both ends of a doubleheader.… "

Luciano was colorful and very funny.

I’m not sure what prompted this part of the discussion but we got around to the speed of the sport. The tape of our interview is somewhere buried in my basement, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

Luciano spoke eloquently to me about baseball when he said we in no way should speed up the game.

“But in baseball, you can go out and mow the lawn and not miss a thing.”

What does that have to do with this topic, with this blog?

4th of July Parade - Victory of the Lamb

Let’s see. 4th of July parade in Franklin is scheduled Thursday at 11:00. “Scheduled.” No way it starts on time.

Year after year after year the parade, albeit a good one, drags on because this is Franklin we’re talking about. We excel at taking lengthy time outs between parade units.

And so I’ve picked on the parade annually. Why? Because a) they mess  up every year,  b) they have yet to fix it, and c) no one has ever cared to accept responsibility.

Here’s a portion of my parade recap blog from 2018:

They (the gaps) just keep on comin’. Nothing was done to rectify the problem this year.

I took my trustworthy stop watch along this year and timed a few, not all of the gaps:

2:32

3:15

3:45

That may not sound all that awful (it really is), but a three-minute delay in hot, steamy weather can feel like a six-minute gap.

There was mumblin’ and grumblin’ in my area about the gaps.

Again, the parade initially got to my area at 11:17. The street spots on Drexel were all filled. But by 12:10 the crowd had diminished substantially. People fed up with the long dead spots in the sauna bath said forget it, we’re outta here.

Why don’t you volunteer? My response: How about the volunteers already in place just fix the problem?

This isn’t rocket science.

Reduce the ridiculous gaps.
—This Just In, July 4, 2018

Our family always sits near the end of the parade. It’s a residential area, loaded with onlookers. The event can last until around 12:45.

Let’s be honest. That 12:45 time is not because this is some colossal gigantic epic show. It’s because a parade that could wrap up in an hour and some change takes over an hour and a half thanks to the large chasms between units.

Maybe those breaks in the action have some bright spots. For example onlookers could:

Finish the chapter or two of the latest book they’re reading.

Wrap up last Sunday’s NY Times crossword puzzle.

Play a game of chess, or two, depending on their skills or their opponents’.

Refinance their mortgage.

Write a letter to their Franklin alderman asking him/her to reduce taxes and cut spending.

Crochet a blanket.

Listen to a podcast from a local radio station.

Call your cable TV operator and try to re-negotiate your monthly bill.

You get the point.

And yeh I think this is a big deal.

Went to Waterford’s parade last year because Franklin wussed out and canceled the entire city Independence Day bash.  A handful of BRIEF gaps. That was it.

Two years ago in Lousiville we watched the Lots of Lights Parade, an evening affair of lights, bands, carolers, car clubs, floats, children’s groups and civic organizations.One of the main organizers boasted the parade had 60 units though it seemed like a lot more. Significantly there wasn’t a single gap between any of parade units. None. Zero.

I repeat, this isn’t rocket science. Unit #2 follows #1, #50 follows #49…and yet we can’t for the life of us pass this simple test.

Here’s the biggest reason why this is no laughing matter. The predicted temperature in Franklin at parade time Sunday is 87 degrees under sunny skies.

This year Franklin, for once, don’t make people get up and leave.

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