The 4th of July is just about here.
Here in Franklin that doesn’t mean an Independence Day celebration, which is what it should be called.
No, we call it a politically correct Civic Celebration. Don’t want to offend anyone. The Civic Celebration, of course, includes the Civic Celebration Parade.
Franklin has a very good one that draws a great crowd. It’s not perfect by a longshot. Residents have made it clear what’s all missing and what they’d like to see. In Franklin that means thanks for suggesting, but no thanks.
Even so the neighborly throngs turn out to display their community pride, God bless ‘em.
Leading up to the parade is a mad (okay, it’s not all that mad) scurry by Franklinites to secure a good seat. To ensure such accommodations the folks head out and rope off or drop off lawn chairs to “reserve” their viewing spot.
Understand, folks, this is Franklin we’re talking about. Obscene, crippling taxes yield a yawn at best.
But section off some sidewalk for the parade and let the hornets loose! Pandemonium! Chaos!
The good news is the craziness has returned after Franklin dumped everything to do with the Civic Celebration in 2020. All it took was advice from “Close it Down” Courtney Day and the Franklin Common Council caved faster than me changing the car radio when an 80’s song comes on.
So, is Franklin back to normal Civic Celebration-wise? Let’s apply pre-COVID preparations to this year that we’re well into:
LATE JUNE: In households all over Franklin a spouse mentions to the other spouse that the 4th of July is fast approaching. Previous studies indicate that primarily in the past the wife brings this up to the husband.
ALSO IN LATE JUNE: One of the spouses suggests going out and establishing the family territory. The other spouse, to avoid WWIII, concurs.
JUNE 24: Franklin families start mapping out their parade strategies.
JUNE 25: Slowly but surely yellow tape and lawn chairs start popping up along the parade route.
JUNE 26: Franklin residents, many of which are first now learning the Twist are oblivious to the addition of furniture on neighborhood streets until…
JUNE 27: One week before the parade and the pot has boiled over. Folks are steaming mad. They flock to social media to moan and bitch. It’s worth a bowl or two of popcorn. Several days later the same bunch will call the Franklin PD to wail and gnash their teeth over fireworks being launched in nearby back yards.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Someone in Franklin dramatically requests that the Franklin Police stop enforcing traffic laws and pursuing bad guys and round up and confiscate and dispose of all those chairs.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Residents living near Ballpark Commons claim the noise of people dropping off chairs is disturbing.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Mayor Olson announces the police will not be patrolling and picking up chairs.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Mayor Olson’s critics accuse the mayor of being uncaring to his constituents.
THE MORNING OF JULY 4: Not a single lawn chair has been stolen.
JULY 4, 11:00 AM: Anyone that wanted to find a spot to watch the parade, even if they didn’t put down chairs, has successfully found a place. Many courteous Franklin parade-watchers actually make room for them.
JULY 4, 11:12 AM: The 11:00 Franklin Civic Celebration Parade officially begins.
JULY 4, 11:22 AM: The first of MANY gaps takes place. Ever notice that there are never any gaps when the dignitaries head down the street?
JULY 4, 12:00 PM: The first set of parade-watchers impatient because of the gaps and because the heat is too much decides to up and leave.
HOURS AFTER THE PARADE: A parade official takes to social media asking what changes or improvements should be made. Suggestions flow in.
JULY 4, 2022 AND THE WEEKS BEFORE: Everything stays the same.