NOVEMBER 2020 VOTER GUIDE

Here are my voter guidelines for today.

If you are making decisions based on the last ad you saw, please don’t vote.

If you are still undecided, please don’t vote.

If you like your taxes nice and high, please don’t vote.

If you detest billionaires, please don’t vote.

If you understood every sentence Joe Biden has said during the campaign, please don’t vote.

If you think you’re smarter than everyone else, please don’t vote.

If you don’t know the meaning of the word “peaceful,” please don’t vote.

If you walked in a protest this year, please don’t vote.

If you think bail money should be raised arrested rioters, please don’t vote.

If you’ve ever tossed a brick, please don’t vote.

If you own a BLM T-shirt, please don’t vote.

If you believe every single immigrant is an upstanding individual, please don’t vote.

If you are in love with China, please don’t vote.

If you’re anti-Catholic, please don’t vote.

If you cry and scream easily, please don’t vote.

If you sleep in a basement, please don’t vote.

If you wake up outraged every morning, please don’t vote.

If you can’t stand the sight of a hat that’s red, please don’t vote.

If you like mandates and lockdowns, please don’t vote.

If you always do what the science tells you, please don’t vote.

If you have a subscription to the NY Times, please don’t vote.

If you watch MSNBC, please don’t vote.

If you stay up watching late night TV because you don’t have a job to get up for, please don’t vote.

If you’ve read “The Green New Deal,” please don’t vote.

If you’d like to see Colin Kaepernick play on Sunday afternoons, please don’t vote.

If you couldn’t live without Starbucks, please don’t vote.

If you think Michelle Obama is better looking than Melania, please don’t vote.

If you are saddened at the possible loss of Milwaukee’s streetcar, please don’t vote.

If you believe government can stop a virus, please don’t vote.

If you wear a mask while driving your car, please don’t vote.

If you wear a mask in your house, please don’t vote.

If you’ve ever told a person they should be wearing a mask, please don’t vote.

If you ever snitched on someone about a mask, please don’t vote.

If you hate guns, please don’t vote.

If you sympathize with criminals, please don’t vote.

If you played the race card this year, please don’t vote.

If you are traumatized by hunting, please don’t vote.

If you oppose plastic straws and bags, please don’t vote.

If you shop at Penzeys, please don’t vote.

If you believe Al Gore invented the Internet, please don’t vote.

If you have more than three (3) baby daddies, please don’t vote.

2 thoughts on “NOVEMBER 2020 VOTER GUIDE

  1. “If you wake up outraged every morning, please don’t vote.”

    Sorry but if you are not outraged, you are not paying attention. Or your sense of values is perverted.

    Like

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