Sperm donor ranking party?

Maybe I’m just too old. Not cool enough. Or hip. Out of touch with a certain age group.

Jim Stingl writes a mean feature column for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Normally I’m very interested. Look I get it. His inbox is inundated with folks suggesting “the best story you’ve ever heard.” Used to get those all the time when I was at WTMJ and WUWM Radio. But Stingl still has to choose and write the stuff (He respectfully rejected an idea I tossed his way years ago…said he’d get too many similar ideas he would have to say no to).

That’s not to take away from anything Stingl.  Truth is not every column is a winner. And his latest is proof in my view.

Oh I’m sure Stingl as he typed away furiously at his computer was thinking “OMG, this is great stuff!” His editor(s) no doubt concurred.

They probably considered Stingl’s column clever, funny, cute, a finger on the pulse of today’s society right here in our backyard. I did not. This was not one of his finest.

It had this headline:

Woman, 35 and single, puts her finalist sperm donors up for a vote at a party

There are women who quietly and privately seek out a sperm donor in the hope of becoming a mother.

Then there is Lisa Proeber, 35 and single, who threw a bawdy “Sperm Party” on Saturday and invited the people she knows and loves to rank the three donor finalists.

No, these men were not there flexing and schmoozing in person. Just their profiles: Eric, who has dimples and plays drums and studied exercise science in college; Raj, who boasts excellent teeth, has traveled to eight countries and hopes to cure cancer; and Killian, who is 6-foot-5, skilled in math and physical therapy, and striving to live in the moment.

Lisa already made her pick and, in fact, was inseminated by syringe with the chosen sperm on Friday. But she wanted to bring her friends in on the process and guess which guy she selected.

Jim Stingl’s column makes a mockery of child birth, and that just isn’t humorous.  The best I can say is that it wasn’t an abortion party column.

Such a column I blogged about nearly 10 years ago. It’s no longer available on its original website. But I managed to track down some parts thanks to hoystory.com:

“What are you going to do?” Unnecessary question, really — a conversational life vest, used when you’re sputtering for something to say. We knew the answer. Maggie, a 22-year-old college senior with no intention of bringing a child into the world yet, was going to have an abortion. She told us that she had already made up her mind; she had even determined the time, date and location. A better question might have been, “How are you going to pay for it?”

She answered that one before we had a chance to ask. “We’re having a party Friday to raise money,” Maggie said. “You guys are obviously invited.”

An abortion party. For the price of whatever we were willing to donate, she explained, we could partake of baked goods, beer and dancing. It was going to start at 10 p.m. at Maggie’s.

The Facebook invite came a day later, and it was settled. Ali and I were going to scrape together what donation money we could and join in the festivities.

“Have you guys heard the news?” Maggie (name changed) unwrapped the scarf from around her neck and patted her flat belly. “Preggers.” It was around 30 degrees outside, and her cheeks were splashed pink from the Indiana wind.

She had discovered earlier that week, after missing a period and taking the test. “I kind of knew already. My boobs and my lower back have been killing me for a while.” She shrugged.

My girlfriend Ali and I exchanged a surprised look. Our forks, dotted with pasta sauce, dangled identically, flaccidly, in our hands. She was quicker than me to gain her composure, and turned to address her best friend.

“What are you going to do?” Unnecessary question, really — a conversational life vest, used when you’re sputtering for something to say. We knew the answer. Maggie, a 22-year-old college senior with no intention of bringing a child into the world yet, was going to have an abortion. She told us that she had already made up her mind; she had even determined the time, date and location. A better question might have been, “How are you going to pay for it?”

She answered that one before we had a chance to ask. “We’re having a party Friday to raise money,” Maggie said. “You guys are obviously invited.”

An abortion party. For the price of whatever we were willing to donate, she explained, we could partake of baked goods, beer and dancing. It was going to start at 10 p.m. at Maggie’s.

The Facebook invite came a day later, and it was settled. Ali and I were going to scrape together what donation money we could and join in the festivities.

Hoystory.com’s reaction is beautiful:

There’s not even a thought about the life this 22-year-old will be carelessly snuffing out.

It’s instead an opportunity to have a little party and raise some money to get rid of the “inconvenience.”

The “pro-choice” lobby always tells us how this is a “difficult decision” and a “tragedy” (the only greater tragedy would be for the woman not to have the right to do it). It is a private matter between a woman and her doctor — and all the friends she’s invited over Friday night to party on down!

One thought on “Sperm donor ranking party?

  1. Pingback: My Most Popular Blogs (06/10/19) | This Just In… From Franklin, WI

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