Culinary no-no began on Father’s Day 2007, a beautiful summer day, when I wrote about grilling brats. And eating brats. And topping those brats. I was inspired by my wife, Jennifer who, in my admittedly unscientific opinion, ruins brats by squirting ketchup on them. Other dining taboos quickly came to mind. The original idea was to take this concept only a few months, till the end of summer and then pull the plug. Then the unexpected happened. People started reading Culinary no-no. Lots of folks. So we keep doing the no-no.
Let’s get right to it.
In 2013 The NDP Group, a leading global information company, published the top 10 list of foods Americans eat at breakfast.
That’s not a total compilation. There’s also the somewhat unconventional items.
Eggs Benedict, liver, grits, bagels, pastries, and this phenomenon captured in song in the 1980’s.
Every now and then I’ll get a hankering for a bran muffin in the morning. Jennifer will run over to the nearby Sendik’s, only to come home with something like a morning bun or cinnamon roll instead. Those popular bran muffins had sold out again.
Maybe just as well if you ask Jeremy Glass, currently employed as a Sex & Dating writer for Thrillist.
In a nutshell Glass thinks muffins a) are not a breakfast food and b) are very unhealthy.
I get ‘b.’
The Chocolate Chip muffin at Dunkin’ Donuts.
But Glass rants beyond how fattening muffins are to an all out over the top doomsday proclamation in recent column.
People skipping breakfast? And a lot do. “It’s an absolute travesty that we treat it with such negligence.”
Glass describes the muffin as “an invasive species of pastry” that has “laid its crumbly hands over the necks and stomachs of hungry people everywhere.”
His is a very strange imagination that can type something like the following:
“Eating a muffin for breakfast is exactly the same as taking out your heart, putting it in on a serving dish, and then covering your heart with killer bees whose own hearts are filled with spite.”
Alternatives mentioned are just fine, but not in my Top Ten choices after waking up.
And one final dose of hyperbole. Glass’ parting shot is that a muffin is nothing more than “a potentially crippling dessert-for-breakfast habit.”
His sky is falling column makes me want to be at Sendik’s tomorrow morning as soon as the doors open.
CULINARY NO-NO BONUSES