Good grief.

Here it comes again.

Franklin’s degenerative four-day festival.

They call it a celebration. I call it an exhibition of all that appeals to the lowest common denominator.

Where do I possibly begin?

Let’s start with people, the absolute number of humans.

Folks all assembling, congregating in one single concentrated area. That’s just too much.

We don’t want these masses descending upon us. We’d prefer a nice city where no one visits and no one comes to see anything we’ve got going on here, whatever it is.  Let them go anywhere else, just not here.

When they venture to the celebration, they will do so in cars. That’s increased traffic. Let’s make this emphatically clear. We in Franklin don’t want any more traffic in our humble city limits. What would people think we are? Cudahy? Disgusting!

Who knows who or what will be motoring into Franklin. I shudder to think of the possibilities.

More traffic means more bright lights. Totally a problem when we’re trying to enjoy our quiet lives in our closed up homes after 8:00.

Not to mention the noise. The noise is enough to drive us out our minds. It’s like torture. Make it stop! Make it stop!

There’s loud music.

And I’m not talking jazz ensembles or string quartets. You know. Quality stuff.

LOUD music.

Talk about noise. Those damn helicopters!

Carnival rides. Are they even safe? Seriously. Totally beneath our Franklin.

They’re going to hand out ice cream after the parade. What the hell? They haven’t heard of childhood obesity?

And this goes on for four (4) days.

Culminated by that explosion of tax dollars into the air dissolving into nothing.

Fireworks…“an exercise in pomposity, aggression, triumphalism, and hubris. When fireworks blow up, the only things up-blowing are the fireworks themselves. There is no drama.”

My advice: Avoid this disruptive atrocity.

Stay at home.

Better yet. Leave town during the Civic Celebration. Better than hiding in your house and taking all those extra showers.