Don’t look now, but the 4th of July is less than two weeks away.
Here in Franklin that doesn’t mean an Independence Day celebration, which is what it should be called. No, we call it a politically correct Civic Celebration. Don’t want to offend anyone.
The Civic Celebration, of course, includes the Civic Celebration Parade.
Franklin has a very good one that draws a great crowd. It’s not perfect by a longshot. Residents have made it clear what’s all missing and what they’d like to see. In Franklin that means thanks for suggesting, but no thanks.
Even so the neighborly throngs turn out to display their community pride, God bless ‘em.
Leading up to the parade is a mad (okay, it’s not all that mad) scurry by Franklinites to secure a good seat. To ensure such accommodations the folks head out and rope off or drop off lawn chairs to “reserve” their viewing spot.
Understand, folks, this is Franklin we’re talking about. Obscene, crippling taxes yield a yawn at best.
But section off some sidewalk for the parade and let the hornets loose! Pandemonium! Chaos! Torches and Pitchforks outside City Hall where phones are ringing off the hook.
So here’s a look at what to expect over the next 10 days or so.
TODAY, LATE JUNE: In households all over Franklin a spouse mentions to the other spouse that the 4th of July is fast approaching. Previous studies indicate that primarily in the past the wife brings this up to the husband.
LATE JUNE: One of the spouses suggests going out and establishing the family territory. The other spouse, to avoid WWIII, concurs.
THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 24-25: Franklin families start mapping out their parade strategies.
JUNE 26: Slowly but surely yellow tape and lawn chairs start popping up along the parade route.
JUNE 26: Franklin residents, many of which are first now learning the Twist are oblivious to the addition of furniture on neighborhood streets until…
JUNE 27: One week before the parade and the pot has boiled over. Folks are steaming mad. They flock to social media to moan and bitch. It’s worth a bowl or two of popcorn.
Several days later the same bunch will call the Franklin PD to wail and gnash their teeth over fireworks being launched in nearby back yards.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: The chairs keep piling up. More people are upset than actually go to vote in a school board election.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Someone in Franklin dramatically requests that the Franklin Police stop enforcing traffic laws and stop pursuing bad guys and round up and confiscate and dispose of all those chairs.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Residents living near the site of the proposed Ballpark Commons claim the noise of people dropping off chairs is disturbing.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Mayor Olson announces the police will not be patrolling and picking up chairs.
JUNE 28-JULY 3: Mayor Olson’s opponents will accuse the mayor of being uncaring to his constituents.
THE MORNING OF JULY 4: Not a single lawn chair has been stolen.
JULY 4, 11:00 AM: Anyone that wanted to find a spot to watch the parade, even if they didn’t put down chairs, has successfully found one. Many Franklin parade-watchers have made room for them.
JULY 4, 11:12 AM: The 11:00 Franklin Civic Celebration Parade officially begins.
JULY 4, 11:22 AM: The first of MANY gaps takes place. Ever notice that there are never any gaps when the dignitaries head down the street?
JULY 4, 12:10 PM: The first set of parade-watchers impatient because of the gaps decide to up and leave.
HOURS AFTER THE PARADE: A parade official takes to social media asking what changes/improvements should be made. Suggestions flow in.
JULY 4, 2018 AND THE WEEKS BEFORE: Everything stays the same.