Culinary no-no #518

Culinary no-no began on Father’s Day 2007, a beautiful summer day, when I wrote about grilling brats. And eating brats. And topping those brats. I was inspired by my wife, Jennifer who, in my admittedly unscientific opinions, ruins brats by squirting ketchup on them. Other dining taboos quickly came to mind. The original idea was to take this concept only a few months, till the end of summer and then pull the plug. Then the unexpected happened. People started reading Culinary no-no. Lots of folks. So we keep doing the no-no.

It’s unofficially the first weekend of the summer.

You know what that means.

Grillin’ time!

The Internet is loaded with articles and videos on how to make the ideal burger. Here’s one.

I have doubts about making the perfect burger. But you can build a pretty darn good one.

Lots of great suggestions from plenty of experts.

Of course, there are some goofy ideas as well that certainly qualify for this feature.

Listen to Graham Elliot of MasterChef.

Did you catch that? It went by pretty fast.

“Make your patties, then put your little ice cube in there and then when you grill it, it keeps it moist and keeps it from getting dried out,” Elliot told FOX News.

Who knows? Maybe it works. I just don’t see other chefs rushing to endorse the idea.

If the jury is still out on Elliot this next suggestion is a slam dunk no-no.

That’s Imogen Blake, a food journalist with the Daily Mail.

Last month she wrote an article with one of those headlines meant to tease and grab your attention in such a way you just can’t resist reading:

The BEST barbecue hacks that will change how you cook outdoors forever

Read carefully one of her “hacks.”

There’s nothing worse than a flabby slice of cheese thoughtlessly placed on top of your juicy burger.

Make sure it properly melts onto the meat by cooking the cheese underneath the burger once you’re a minute from serving it up. Then just flip over and place inside a bun.  

Readers caught on quickly to the wackiness and commented.

Why the hell would ayone put a piece of cheese on the bottom of the hamburger on a grill??? Beyond STUPID.

1: place cheese under burger 2: scoop cheese from hot charcoal 3: wrap hand in bandage 4: eat burger with cheese and charcoal chippings, cheese probably gone cold due to burn 5: start reading a different newspaper or boycott altogether…

I don’t care how many articles you run telling me I’m doing things all wrong! And cheese under the burger?? Who writes this crap. The cheese will be on the coals in about 15 seconds. .

I also put the ketchup right on the grill

She doesn’t literally mean to cook the cheese while the burger is still on the grill. She meant to say after you remove the burger from the grill don’t simply place a rude slice of cheese on top of burger meat, place it underneath so it melts cheese that way. I mean that’s what I got from it.

So you missed the flipping part then? That makes you a flipping idiot?

How the fork does one grill a burger with the cheese on the bottom?

Even a child knows, you never put the cheese under the burger.

Why not just put the cheese on the burger before you pull it off the grill? Then, the cheese will be melted thoroughly.


You can read all of Blake’s hacks here.


How to Build the Best Burger Ever


Where’s the beef?

Avalottes and green tea?

A few tips on gratuities and special orders

One thought on “Culinary no-no #518

  1. Pingback: Culinary no-no #519 | This Just In… From Franklin, WI

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